Apparently I just have bad luck with flights….
So Fiancé and I went down to Florida for our first vacation in 3 years and the wedding of a good friend – the horrible luck I continue to have in my life creates additional humorous stories for another post – for today I will only share the flight fiasco.
So we booked our flights separately to take advantage of some deal, but picked seats together. On the way down everything worked out great, but of course on the way back not so much. The other half has been traveling a lot for work and racking up the frequent flyer miles and even joined the Delta special club. As such he got to board first when the fancy medallion members were called – no I didn’t hold it against him to board and leave me in the waiting area like 3rd class waiting for my zone to be called; I had my book with me and happily enjoyed the peace and another chapter. Well now it’s been a while since Mr fantsypants gets on the plane and there are only a handful of people left, seems like they forgot to call out the last zone, no matter, less pushing, more time reading, win/win really. Get up to the gate, scan my ticket…
“Ma’am [really hate it when people call me Ma’am, yea I got a rock on my hand but I’m only 26! Can I be miss for a couple more years please??], you have a seat re-assignment!”
“No, I can’t have a seat re-assignment, I’d like my old seat please.”
“But, ma’am, you were in the middle before, this is a window it’s better” [actually I hate windows and always prefer the aisle but that’s another debate]
“I was sitting next to my Fiancé who’s already boarded, he’ll be waiting for me.”
“Oh, I see. You’ll have to talk to Patty at the desk about that.”
…walk over to desk and smiley bubbly attendant…
“Hi Patty, I got a seat re-assignment at the gate, but you see I picked that seat on purpose – my Fiance and I bought out tickets separate but picked the seats together so I’d like to sit with him. He’s already boarded”
“What’s his name? … Ma’am, he received an upgrade”
“Excuse me?”
“As a medallion member he received an upgrade to first class.”
“Oh did he now….I’m going to kill him.”
“Well Ma’am, he’s in aisle 3 so you’ll be walking by him on your way and will have that opportunity.” [Three cheers to Delta for hiring people with senses of humor.]
So I shoulder my tote and purse and make my way down the lonely jet way onto the plane…turn the corner, and there’s Fiancé grinning ear to ear and holding up a cocktail to toast me on my way by. I may have swore at him a little and told him he was the worst future husband ever – he would have been disappointed if I didn’t react at all… Then I find my seat, next to an older couple who is just about the settle in. I say excuse me and squeeze in all the way to the window seat. The woman next to me has taken out a packet of tissues and a Purel container and has now begun to wipe down everything in site….unfortunately including MY seat belt. “Excuse me, ma’am, but I think that’s my seat belt.” She gave me big puppy dog eyes and muttered a “but I already wiped it.” She then pulls out a bottle of nose spray and some other scary looking drug store items, passes them back and forth with her husband while snorting and further wiping and disinfecting anything she can see – call buttons, head rests, vents. I am now trying to make myself as small and unassuming as possible in the corner of my seat.
Things go ok for a while…then I start feeling this tickle in my throat from a dry peanut…I try to be as quiet as possible but have to cough and receive a look from my neighbor like I just turned to her and told her I stepped on kittens for fun. Back to my corner and trying to not exist. A little later I feel that distinct burning feeling between my eyes, I wiggle my nose hoping the urge to sneeze will go away. My eyes are watering from the effort. Think of dead puppies, think of dead puppies….then just as I think I’ve beaten it…ACHOOO. I even managed to turn my head and sneeze into my arm AWAY from her – but the way she tensed up and glared at me you would think I’d pulled those dead puppies out of my carry on and lit them on fire. Out comes the Purel again. Back to my corner.
The rest of the flight was pretty uneventful, except for some head dodging while she was trying to lean around me to look out the window – if you want to have control over the shade and the view, then get the dang window seat, stop playing head frogger with me and making it really awkward because you want a peek. I finally get off the plane after it took the couple 20 minutes to gather their traveling pharmacy together. There’s Fiancé leaning against the gate wall all nonchalant.
“Hey babe, did you enjoy your lunch? Oh wait you didn’t get one?”
“Don’t start with me…I was next to the fidgety germaphobe from hell who disinfected EVERYTHING.”
“Uh-oh”
“I thought she was going to shank me when I sneezed.”
“Ok, now I feel bad, let’s go get you a drink.”
Knew there was a reason I picked that man ;-)
